Despite her exhaustion, Shayna awoke early on the Arrendale's couch. Not wanting to face Lawrence or his children in the early hours of the morning, she slipped out at the first sounds of stirring from upstairs.
As she walked home in her clothes from the night before, she felt like she was doing the walk of shame. Nothing had happened after Lawrence left her in the living room, but she knew how this must look. She hoped that it was still early enough that no one would see her leaving his house.
When she approached her driveway, she was glad to see that Amanda's car was gone. She wasn't entirely convinced that Ben hadn't taken the car and left Amanda behind, but she hoped that meant that Amanda was gone too.
After quietly letting herself into the house, she peeked into the guest room to find it empty before heading to the main bedroom. Andrew was asleep in their bed, thankfully alone, when she opened the door.
She tiptoed across the bedroom to get a change of clothes from the dresser, trying to move quietly and not disturb Andrew, but he woke before she could slip out of the room.
"Where have you been?" Andrew asked sleepily.
"I told you I went to my mother's. Julian is going to stay with her for a few days."
"I saw you pull out of the driveway last night."
"I came back to talk with you, but I didn't want to talk with Amanda here."
Andrew wiped the sleep from his eyes and got out of bed. "We can talk now. What do you have to say?"
Shayna tamped down her annoyance at his tone and tried to remind herself that she needed to make the effort to reach out to him. She took a deep breath and forced herself to put her pride aside. "You were right, I shouldn't have acted behind your back and put in my application for the house without telling you. I'm sorry you had to find out the way that you did. It wasn't fair to you to not discuss it first."
"I appreciate that, but I don't understand how you couldn't have realized that before," he frowned.
"I just couldn't stand all the arguing and the ugly things we were saying to each other all the time. I didn't want Julian or Meghan to be exposed to that. I wanted to make sure Julian and I had a place to stay and I had everything in order to make sure we were taken care of before our relationship imploded completely."
"Do you think I would have put you both out on the street? I've always thought of us as a team, a partnership, but that doesn't mean we can't disagree."
"I felt like you were taking Lucy's side over mine and that you, of all people, would do that hurt me worse than you could possibly understand."
"I would have been on your side if you had been in the right, but you were wrong and you didn't even seem to care what I thought. I feel like you don't have any respect for me at all, not as a person and not as a partner."
"I never meant to make you feel that way. I was caught up in my own concerns and agenda."
"Well, that's a problem too," Andrew admitted. "Shayna. I have to wonder, would you be here trying to talk with me if your application for the new lot had been accepted or would you have gone off on your own and not have bothered talking with me at all? Are you here to apologize and make up because that's what you really want or are you here because your plans fell through and you need somewhere to go?"
"I'm here because I felt like I owed both of us the chance to talk it out. We need to figure out if we want to give this a second chance or find the closure to go our separate ways."
"Are you asking me what I want?" Andrew asked incredulously.
"Yes."
"I've come to realize some things recently about our relationship that I'm not happy about. This separation into separate bedrooms in the same house isn't working. I think we need a real separation to take some time to figure things out."
"How are we going to do that?" Shayna asked as she swallowed back the lump in her throat.
"While Julian is at your mother's, I think you should stay in a hotel. When he gets back I'll send Meghan to her Amanda's for a while and I'll stay in a hotel for a few days. Hopefully, that will give us a chance to decide if we want to go forward together or apart."
Shayna silently nodded and started packing her bags.
* * * * *
"Mason, what are you doing here?" Alma asked as she opened the front door and let her former colleague inside.
"I tried to stay away, but I just had to see you," he said, urgency apparent in his voice as he strode into the house. "I can't stop thinking about the night of the play when we kissed and I have to know if it meant as much to you as it did to me."
"Mason, my family . . ." she hissed as she looked around anxiously, hoping her husband and her children hadn't overheard.
Mason took her hands in his own and stepped forward, his face only inches from her own. "Tell me."
Her heart raced at him being so close and staring so earnestly at her. Suddenly, she didn't care about where they were or who might be around. All she cared about was that his arms were around her as he held her body close and his mouth was on hers as he drew her into his embrace.
Before she could lose herself completely, Alma awoke with a start.
It took Alma a few moments to catch her breath and orient herself to reality. Mason hadn't been here. She was in her bed with the early morning sunlight streaming through the window and Edward sleeping obliviously next to her. It hadn't been real.
Her desire to try to go back to her dream was quashed by the heavy feeling of guilt for what had happened and that she was wishing for more.
As hard as she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about Mason and their kiss. Even with the busyness of the holidays and spending time with her family, he was constantly on her mind. On the outside, she tried to act like everything was normal, but below the surface, her emotions were all over the place. She felt guilty, she felt embarrassed, and she felt ashamed, yet she didn't feel regret. She couldn't stop thinking about it with a sense of longing.
But as soon as she let herself start to get caught up in that desire, the thought of her family brought her back to reality. How could she do that to them?
Unable to be still with her thoughts, Alma slipped out of bed and quietly got dressed. With the rest of her family asleep, and the house quiet, Alma occupied herself with cleaning up from the day before. She hoped that keeping busy would take her mind off of Mason and her dream. Unfortunately, it wasn't working.
She was running out of jobs to keep her distracted. By the time Edward and the children were up, she was redoing chores that didn't need to be done and was wondering if it was too soon to start putting the Christmas decorations away. Even Edward was starting to notice.
"Alma, you've been cleaning the house all morning. I think that is the second time I've seen you dust the mantle today. Why don't you relax and let yourself enjoy the holidays? All of this can wait."
"I like being busy," she insisted.
"Oh . . . I know what this is about," Edward nodded.
Alma felt a sense of panic rising in her chest. "What's that?"
"You miss your job. When you have a career, it's hard to wind down and know how to relax during your downtime. I know I spent too much time thinking I needed to be busy all the time when I was working. Put that away for now and let's enjoy the moment."
Reluctantly, Alma set down her cleaning supplies and let Edward help her put on her coat.
"Come on," he insisted as he ushered her out the backdoor.
In the backyard, their kids were playing together in the snow. Jacqueline was perfecting the art of making snow angels while her brothers and sister were building a family of snowmen.
"This time next year Jeremy will be thinking about graduation and college. How many more holidays will we have to spend like this?" Edward asked.
Edward scooped up a handful of snow, packed it into a ball, and threw it towards the kids. It whizzed over Judith's head as she was bent down gathering snow and hit Jeremy's snowman square in its chest. "Head's up!"
Judith frowned with annoyance and sulked away to the side, but Joseph was eager to jump into the war and returned fire with a snowball of his own. Energized by her brother, Jacqueline jumped in, and convinced Jeremy to join in on the fun.
As the children's snowballs hit the porch, Alma jumped back as the spray of snow ricocheted towards her, but Edward was all in as he hurried down from the deck to join the children in the yard.
Alma smiled to herself as she watched her husband and children running through the snow. When she was a young woman, she never thought she would one day have this life with a husband and children of her own. Maybe he didn't spark passion, but Edward was a good husband and a good father. She realized how blessed she was to have this family and she knew she would be foolish to do anything that would jeopardize what she had.
"You can't get me!" Jacqueline taunted as she ran across the yard, giggling.
Edward dodged another snowball that came his way and as he attempted to turn, he lost his footing, slipped on the slick ground, and fell.
"Wait, truce! Time out!" Jeremy called out to his younger siblings who were so involved in the game that they weren't aware that they should be concerned that their father was still on the ground. As the younger pair settled down, Alma hurried down from the porch to check on Edward, and even Judith looked on with concern.
"Are you alright?" Alma asked as she and Jeremy kneeled by Edward's side, ready to help him up.
Edward pulled himself into a sitting position with Alma's support as he assessed himself and tried to catch his breath. He knew he had overexerted himself and needed to take a moment. With a sharp pain in his leg, he was afraid to stand and try to put weight on it. "I think I need to go to the hospital."
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