Julian returned home after basketball practice to a quiet house. He didn't need to check or call out to know that no one else was home. Meghan was living at her mom's, Andrew had moved out, and his mom was working later and later into the evenings. He hated to admit it, but the empty house had left him feeling lonely.
He was glad when he heard his phone chime and saw a text from Sara.
"What's up? Are you still at practice?"
"No, I'm home. What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Kinda bored. :("
As he started to text her back, he was interrupted by a phone call from his mother. He wasn't surprised when she told him that she would be working late and that he was going to be on his own for dinner. Once he hung up, he finished his text to Sara.
"Want to hang out?"
* * * * *
"How is Julian?" Andrew asked Shayna once she returned to his office after making her phone call.
"He's fine. He just got home."
"I miss him," Andrew admitted. "Would it be alright if I invited him out sometime? We could go to a game or see a movie or something."
"Of course," Shayna said. She was a bit taken aback by the question and by Andrew's hesitancy in asking. The realization that their separation had effects that extended beyond just the two of them hit her harder than she expected. "Our separation shouldn't affect your relationship with Julian."
"Good. I'll give him a call soon," Andrew said, an air of relief in his voice. "Well, let's get this wrapped up, so you can get back home to him. We're already the last ones left at the office."
"If you want to leave, we can go over this tomorrow."
"I'm not in any hurry to go anywhere. I think it would be best to talk over the meeting while it's fresh in our minds."
"I agree," Shayna said. "I am pleased with how it went. I think the clients were impressed."
"They should be. You presented our points very well."
"Thank you, but if the deal goes the way we hope, most of the credit goes to you."
"Me? Do you really think so?" Andrew asked, taken aback.
"I have to admit I was surprised by the way you handled yourself in the meeting. You were very self-assured and assertive. It's been a long time since I've seen you in your element. You owned the room."
Andrew leaned forward. "Do you think they were really impressed by me, or were you the one who was impressed?"
Shayna looked into Andrew's face. She knew she should feel called out by that comment, but the genuine sincerity in his expression prevented her from putting up any defenses. "I was impressed," she admitted. "I can't remember when I last saw that side of you."
"I'm different at work than at home. At home I can relax. I don't have to feel like I'm always on, trying to get ahead, and trying to make the sale." He frowned as a realization came to him. "We met at work. Was it my work personality that attracted you to me?"
"It did," Shayna said, thinking back to the early days when they first met. "Also, I knew you were a good man, someone I could rely on."
"Did you stop feeling that way?"
"No," she said thoughtfully. "I've never been the type to rely on other people. I've always been used to doing everything myself. Depending on someone else doesn't come naturally to me."
"I know. I've always admired your strength and assertiveness, and I was happy to take a step back and let you take charge in our relationship. Maybe I should have brought some of that assertiveness home once in a while."
"Maybe," Shayna agreed.
"Or I could start right now."
Shayna just raised an eyebrow as Andrew reached out, took her in his arms, and kissed her deeply. Startled at first, Shayna gave into the kiss and melted into his embrace. She absorbed the heat of his body and felt the rise and fall of his breath. Her hands gripped his shoulders and brushed against the hair at the nape of his neck. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, she was in a darkened room lit only by candles and Christmas lights. She could smell the pine needles, feel her mouth against another man's mouth, and her body pressed against someone else.
Shayna gasped and pulled away from Andrew, shocked by where her mind was going.
"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that," Andrew apologized as he took a step back. "We agreed to be professional."
"I know. It's fine," Shayna said quickly. She felt flustered, and her eyes darted around the room as her mind told her to escape. But escape would do no good when the problem wasn't Andrew; it was her. "It really is fine," she promised. "But I don't think we're going to get any work accomplished tonight. I think it's best if we leave this for now. Our discussion about the meeting can wait until tomorrow. Good night, Andrew."
Shayna fought the urge to run out of the building and mustered all of her dignity to walk casually out of the office. Once she reached the elevator doors, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What was wrong with her? Suddenly, she didn't trust her feelings.
* * * * *
"Well, that was better than last night," Artie remarked as he helped his father clear the dinner table while his younger siblings went upstairs to finish their homework. "You're improving."
"I noticed you didn't ask to have dinner at Jenn's, so I thought that was a promising sign."
"It's always good to have a backup, but I don't think we'll starve."
"I'm sure you have homework that needs to be done too," Lawrence said as they finished loading the dishwasher. "I can get the rest of this."
"Alright, Dad," Artie agreed as he headed upstairs.
As Lawrence tidied the kitchen, he knew this arrangement was not going to be sustainable. He tried not to order in every night, but his cooking skills were barely passable, and time was limited between the responsibilities of his job, the kids, and all the household tasks that needed to be completed day after day. He hated to hire outside help after the nanny fiasco, but at least a part-time cook or housekeeper was sorely needed.
Once the kitchen was moderately presentable, he retired to his office until the kids were finished with their homework or needed his help.
He paused at his desk to look at the framed photo of Eileen. He had always had questions about the night she disappeared from the cruise ship, but he thought he knew basically what had happened. It had seemed mostly straightforward, but now Paige's story had sent his world spinning. How much did he really know? Could he trust Lauren's account of what had happened that night? Could he trust that anything Paige had told him was the truth? Whether any of it was true or not, the conversation had opened up an entirely unexpected set of possibilities that left him feeling unsettled.
He knelt down and opened the desk drawer where he kept all of his important papers. He ran his fingers across the file folders until he reached one he had kept shut away for the last five years.
The cruise line had sent him a copy of their reports and records when the incident had occurred, but he had avoided looking at them. He just couldn't stomach pouring over the details of the accident. His mind replayed what he knew over and over again, but he knew if he delved too deeply into the records, he could lose himself into a rabbit hole he might never pull himself out of. He couldn't afford to lose himself when he had three young children that needed him more than ever. He told himself that nothing in those reports would change what had happened. There was nothing in that folder that could bring Eileen back.
But now, that had changed. What if she hadn't fallen overboard?
He picked up the file folder and paced across the room to a more comfortable chair in better light. He sat down, took a deep breath, and opened the folder.
He flipped through the pages, skimming their contents, until he found the ship's passenger list.
His eyes ran down the list, pausing when he saw his name and Eileen's one after the other. The sight pulled at his heart, and he lingered a moment before moving on. There was no Lauren DeVille listed, but he saw another familiar name, Paige DeVille. He frowned, brows furrowed, as he tried to decipher what that meant. Had Paige lied about Lauren being on the ship? Was she really the one on board, or was it another case of confused identity between the two sisters? He had seen the boarding pass in Lauren's apartment, which suggested that Lauren had been on board, but it didn't prove it. He made a mental note to look into that further and see if the police had collected any evidence from her apartment about her presence on the cruise.
He noticed there was a note about her departure. She had opted to leave the cruise at the next port after Eileen supposedly fell overboard. The records cited that she was leaving the cruise early for medical reasons. If Lauren had jumped, as Paige had claimed, why did the records say that she gave notice and left the ship the next day?
Before he could move on to the next pages in the folder, someone was at his office door.
"Are you busy, Daddy?" Lorna asked tentatively.
Lawrence closed the folder and set it aside. He wasn't going to get sucked into exploring the past at his children's expense. He had promised himself that. "No, not at all. How is the homework going?"
"It's done," she said, climbing into the chair next to him. "I just wanted to see what you were doing."
"Just looking at some old papers," he replied. Ever since the incident with Lauren, Lorna had been very clingy. She didn't like being alone, and she wanted to be around her father as much as possible.
"Is it weird that I kind of miss Ms. Jolene sometimes?" she asked, hesitantly.
"No. You spent a lot of time with her. You had fun together, right?"
"Yes, but I don't want her to come back." Panic at the thought was written across her face.
"She won't. She came to my office to talk to me and told me she would not be back."
"I know what her sister did wasn't Ms. Jolene's fault, but how would I know it was really her? How do I know for sure who anybody is?"
When Lorna buried her head in his shoulder, he hugged her close. "Her sister is in a hospital getting treatment, and she won't be allowed to leave for a very long time. It was an unusual situation. I doubt anything like that will happen again."
"But what if it did? How would I know?"
"We could come up with a code word, something only you and I know. If you ever feel unsure, I can tell you the code word, and you will know it's really me."
When Lorna looked up, her expression brightened and a weight lifted from her mind. "Okay."
"What should it be?"
She thought a moment. "How about jellyfish?"
"Jellyfish?"
"Yes." When she thought about what had happened and the possibility that something like that could happen again, her stomach felt queasy and unmoored, drifting and flip-flopping like a jellyfish. "Because it makes me feel like-" Instead of explaining, she waved her arms loosely in the air, making her father laugh. Her dad didn't laugh much, but she knew she could make him smile, and that made her smile too.
"Okay, that will be hard for anyone else to guess. When you say 'jellyfish' to make sure it's really me, what should I say back?"
Lorna looked past her father at the empty vase on the end table in front of the window. "Daffodil."
"Daffodils were one of your mother's favorites."
"I remember." Lorna didn't have many memories of her mother, but she remembered her mother picking daffodils and placing them in the vase, excited for the first hints of spring.
"Okay. Those will be our secret code words. Are you feeling better now, Daffodil?" When Lorna nodded, he checked the time. "What should we do between now and bedtime?"
* * * * *
Shayna spent the drive home thinking about what had happened with Andrew in his office. She was trying to put her conflicting emotions aside and think over everything logically. It really was fine that Andrew had kissed her. She had no problem with that, but it was her own reaction that left her reeling. Why had her mind gone immediately to kissing Lawrence on Christmas night? Why did it bother her so much?
As she pulled into the driveway, her eyes wandered over to Lawrence's house. She noticed the lights were on in his study. She imagined him there alone, working late.
The night they kissed, they had both been feeling lonely, and she was severely sleep-deprived. She wondered if he was lonely now. She wondered if she should go next door and talk to him. They never really cleared the air about what had happened. Maybe that's why she thought about their kiss tonight.
Or maybe it was more than that. She had to admit that they could make an amazing couple, but she had to remind herself of the warning she had given the nanny; he would never, ever be over his late wife.
Before she could make up her mind, the light in the study flicked off, and she was brought back to reality. She turned away from his house and walked up her own steps to the front door.
She entered the house to a darkened kitchen and tossed her keys on the counter. "Julian?" she called out as she walked through the house. She heard movement as she approached the living room. When she turned the corner, she found Julian and Sara in the living room, both half-dressed as they frantically tried to put the rest of their clothes on.
Stunned, Shayna froze in her tracks. "Oh my god!" Her mouth moved soundlessly after that as she found herself unable to articulate anything further, while the embarrassed teenagers tried to avoid eye contact with her.
Shayna turned and hurried back to the kitchen where she paced the floor and tried to regain her composure. She was still trying to decide how to handle this situation when Sara scurried out the front door with Julian behind her, lingering in the hallway. She imagined he was trying to make sure the girl had escaped past her in one piece. He had to know he would not be so lucky.
Shayna turned to Julian and mustered up her voice. "We need to have a talk."
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